How much I hate the telephone and talking on the telephone, let me count the ways…
I yearn for the time when it was safe for me to leave the house without the burden of a cellphone on me, how did I survive without one back in the day? I use my cellphone pretty much as a computer. I hate having to find the least triggering ringtone on my cellphone, yet my landline still has only that one choice that jolts me awake from my trance.
I hate wondering what bad news might await on the other end if I answer it. Facetime is my worst nightmare as a child now realized –having to speak AND have a camera pointed at me at the same time, and phone sex, well, what the hell am I doing? And I HATE political robocalls. When I was a kid, our phone was on a party-line for awhile and it was damned funny to eavesdrop on adults talking about things that should never be said over the party-line telephone. But this fun doesn’t count because I was a passive listener until one of the callers heard my breathing and declared “someone is listening in on us” and then would tell me to hang up.
I’ve never understood the bluetooth earpiece wearers, walking around like Uhura from Star Trek, with a radio antennae sprouting out their heads, seemingly talking to themselves while subjecting the rest of us to their stupid one-sided conversation. And you idiots who use speakerphone in a public place, no words. Heaven help the obscene phone callers, I have fucked every one of those people’s heads up by making them think I’m the psycho coming for them. I do show mercy to wrong number callers. I have had friends who used to call me to talk for hours because they were “bored”. Bored? Dude, I’ve got 99 things to do here at home right now, I am never bored, what is this bored thing you speak of? Hardly anyone I know calls me as a first attempt, most text as a soft intro, so there’s that. Thank you for respecting that I’d rather text or Facebook message than talk on the damn horn unless its necessary. Boyfriends and close family are the only exceptions to this phone use business. Emailing has gone the way of the dinosaurs. Whatever happened to visiting in person over tea and tiny sandwiches?
Now the washing machine, what a modern marvel, that’s the invention I’m in love with…ahem, mine is a front-load, no agitator, in case you’re wondering.
